Why I’m okay with being FAT: 3 years on.
3 years ago, I penned a post, my first ever blog post, titled “Fat: The anti-struggle”. I wrote it on a whim, and had no idea it would change the path I wanted to take with my life.
I’ve always believed that the things that happen to us, around us, shape us to become who we are.
When I wrote that post, back in the Summer all those years ago, I was completely different to the person that I am now. I thought I’d reached it, the most ‘okay‘ I’d ever be with my body. I thought I’d probably peaked in my ‘you look alright when looking in the mirror’ phase. It’s kinda strange. It’s kinda ironic, but I was only at the very beginning of my journey back then. I had no idea that I would ever feel the way about myself that I do today.
My journey, has been incredible. Along the way, I have met some tremendous people, with huge goals, massive aspirations, and that are generally, all-round inspiring people.
In 2015, with a fire in my belly (or so I thought), I wrote about the way the world sees me, and how I see other people, and ultimately, myself.
When I posted it, I felt so emotional. I hadn’t read any self-acceptance posts, hadn’t been following anyone inspiring on Instagram, I wasn’t regularly tagging #effyourbeautystandards on my pictures. I was just plodding along, with no ultimate goal.
My fire, or so I thought, was a mere spark or a small flame, a lighter coming to the end of it’s life. A tiny light, not seen if stood merely meters away.
But, that spark, was all I ever needed.
I wrote about not noticing other people’s double chins, and how I shouldn’t care for anybody noticing mine – but what I have learnt since then, is that my lil double chin would take me places. Help me meet people, allow me to become the best version of myself. My body is a part of me, I always say, but not all of me. So you may wonder why I talk about being plus size, a fat girl, so much.
I can answer your question only honestly – I am, in fact, so much more than fat. I am so much more than my body. But to hide my body, to be ignorant on the stigma surrounding fat people, would be wrong. I need to recognise my body. Have faith in my body. Show people, that it is in fact, okay to have my body.
I have a need, deep set inside me, to constantly talk about it. I need to be the voice that I needed to hear when I was younger, and skipping meals. The voice I needed when I cried for days on end, wouldn’t let myself sleep until I’d done X amount of squats and felt ill.
I need to be a constant reminder. A voice that never dies down. A voice that may tremble, but always says what it needs to say. I am not happy blending in. I need to make a statement. I need to be bold. I must stand up for what I believe in.
Back then, I was on the path. I was learning. We all need to start somewhere. You can never be ‘TOO‘ anything, not too fat or too skinny, too loud or too opinionated. You are immeasurable because you are so unique. It is quite an understatement to say that I have found myself in 2018. Fat: the anti-struggle, speaks more truth for me now than it ever did then.
My belief is very simple:
We have the right to live in our bodies. Exist in our bodies. BE in our bodies, however we so damn well wish.
I respect and love you regardless.
Look at me, and judge if you must, but just know that there is so much more to me than my belly or my thighs.
I am pretty quick witted, strong-willed, open minded, and yeah, I’ve got that fucking fire inside me, burning brighter than ever. And I just wanna change the world.