Bread and Butter

I sat outside Sainsburys in my car, tucking into a sandwich. The contents of which, do not matter, but the fact that I’m eating one, does.

I looked around me, at the people walking past. All going about their daily lives, no one giving a flying shit about me.

And I kind of spiralled out of myself, and projected myself into 17-18 year old me.

3 years ago, to catch me eating a normal food in public, you’d have had better odds at finding me working as an accountant. I would never, ever, have gone out of my way to eat in public, especially on my own.

The fear was once, too much for me.

Someone seeing me, a FAT GIRL, EAT?!

The travesty!!

The disaster!!

The… normal fucking thing to do.

What the shit was wrong with me?

What went on, inside that head of mine, that made me think that eating wasn’t normal? Why did I hide away to do it?

I’d be okay, if it were a sit down meal and everyone else were eating – however, I still would never have been comfortable.

But to be actually out in public, on a lunchtime, feeling hungry.. I simply never would have done it.

It’s a shame really, it’s not something I’ve ever really admitted.

In replacement to the embarrassment of eating, I now feel empowered for the young girl that I once was. I know that she will grow up to be a little bit outside of the box, and a lotta bit clued up.. in more ways than one.

She will grow up to learn.

She will learn that, there is more to life than the number on the clothing she wears.

She will learn that, to be confident, she will find it within.

She will learn that, to be brave, she must stand up for what she knows is wrong.

She will learn that, she can really eat that food(for-thought), in public, and walk away unscathed.

This first step, eating in public, was to be the bread and butter of who she has become.

She did learn.

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