I am guilty of saving things for tomorrow.
I sat here to write this at 1pm on a Monday afternoon, and I saved it as a draft. I thought, I’ll probably post it later.
I strongly believed in keeping things until a better time, a more appropriate time, a time I might enjoy it more.
I may sometimes save reading my book until I have my bath, instead of starting it right now. I might enjoy it a little better then. I may possibly even not wear this dress until I go out next, it will probably look a bit better when I’ve got my makeup done a little more glam, surely. I won’t watch that film tonight, I’ve got work tomorrow. I’ll wait until my next day off to watch it, instead of now. I’m probably better off spending the next 2 hours watching something I won’t enjoy as much. Aren’t I. I don’t think I want to do that today, I’ll probably fancy it next week, though.
Why do we do it. Why do I do it. Why do I envision myself doing exactly what I want to do right now, in another time, another place, tomorrow. How can it be possible that my time right now, will be better spent doing something I will enjoy a little less, and putting something that I will enjoy a little more, somewhere in the near future.
I sometimes save doing things I don’t enjoy until tomorrow. Messaging someone about something important that I really don’t want to discuss, sorting out my wardrobe, less enjoyable things.
I didn’t really realise until this week how much and often I really do do this. With finding out these past couple of days that my Grandad is unwell with Cancer, I found myself laying in bed wondering how many things he may wish he would have done, that he kept saving until tomorrow. I hope nothing. I hope he’s done everything he ever wanted to do and more.
In another sense, I put myself into his position, and then I think of my life 50, 60, 70 years down the line and I wonder. How many of these things that I’m saving, will I really be grateful to myself, for doing so? When I’m old, will I be grateful for that time I saved my best makeup idea until the best possible day. That I saved doing more photography until I felt I had more time. I wonder, if when I’m older, I will remember all of these things that I put into tomorrow, and never got around to doing. From the mundane everyday, to the things that challenge me the most. I don’t want to be old, sitting in a chair, thinking back to a time and wondering why I didn’t do it then.